Disclaimer: Profanity is used sparsely in this article, with the aim to accurately demonstrate exaggeration.
Arguably (not really because its the absolute fucking truth), summer in the capital is the highlight of 8.136 million peoples lives. It makes living in the big smog, alllllll worthwhile. The whole maybe *1* month of summer we get graciously gifted each year is generally speaking, why most people say 'this is why I live in London'.
From the lidos of Brockwell Park to the rooftops of Dalston, you're never short of cracking outdoor activities in insta-worthy locations. Sounds AMAZING, right? I mean, yeah, but it ain't all roses, my friend. You may be super jel of your pals or the influencers you see rocking their cute summer dresses on their way to a Pergola rooftop, what you DON'T see, is well, reality.
So here's our top tips for surviving in London during its peak heat-wavey'esqe months:
*FUCK THE TUBE*
Train, bus, walk, RUN if you have to, but DO NOT tube it. It's a literal sweat box. I get it, you think there’s no other way... but there is, and if you wana survive the summer I got news for you hunny, you gotta find it. Let’s look on the bright side, you can use this as, say, perhaps an opportunity to get those daily steps up and see the beautiful city you live in. Cos let’s face it, living in London you spend a fair amount of your time underground, kinda depressing really. No one smells their finest after a long day in the office (not to mention with crap or no air con ). Crushed in amongst the sea of all those mildly smelly peeps on one JAM-PACKED Central line in *70* degree heat is not good for nobody. It’s honestly savage, just savage. And physically no matter what your mode of transport is, you may find that you just can't seem to shake that bad odour, well let me tell you friend, that’s because you need to wash that commute all out with a nuddy soap bar. Standard stuff simply won't do it. Have you seen the Fabreeze ads? Cover or eliminate - you decide.
*GET WET, BE WILD*
Helloooooo lidos. Who even needs Ibiza? When i'm paying £900 rent for a box room in Clapham and TRYING (lol) to save for a deposit, not meeee. So overrated anyway 🙄..not really I'm so sad, get me to Mambos - AAAH. Grab your pals, get the UE Boom packs, a few Coronas and you are SORTED. You may have to go super early and queue for a while, BUT, you can satisfy that 'I need to escape’ vibe by tricking your brain into thinking you're no longer in the city at one of the glorious outdoor bathing spots the city has on offer. Alternatively, become a member, or even just a friend of a friend of the super trendy creative crowd and bag your self a spot on the list at Shoreditch House. Absolute VIBES.
*BE MORE ZEN*
I'm talking early morning yoga, preferably on a rooftop, but see what you can find. Summer sunrises are literally one of the most magical sightings ever. You may not be able to afford to go and see the Northern Lights in November, but, if you get your booty out of bed early enough, you'll be lucky enough to witness one of Mother-natures most sensational gifts. The spiritual practice of Yoga focuses on strength, flexibility, and breathing to boost physical and mental wellbeing. It's no secret that living in London is absolutely MANIC. Instead of taking an extra hour in bed to be woken up by your alarm clock, filling your body with hydrocortisone, find your centre, start your day with positivity, baby.
*EMBRACE BRITISH CULTURE*
I didn't know what to caption this one without just saying 'GET DRUNK ALL THE TIME". Well, anyway, I’ve said it now. Use EVERY damn opportunity to have a G&T, or well, any desired tipple. Lunch time on a Tuesday - don't mind if I do. You can flipping well be boring in winter. You literally have an outdoor bar ladened with stripey deck chairs RIGHT outside your bloody office. USE & ABUSE. I mean don’t go totally rogue and turn up to your 3pm meeting with a jug Pimms, actually DO. If I was your boss, I’d be kind of impressed with that really.
*GETTING HOT & FRISKY*
Let's talk dating. I mean dating in London, is like, the best and worst thing ever. You've got the best selection of hotties in the country. The creme de la creme, some might say. On a serious note...Q - 'Where do you find me in my spare time' A - 'reading in my local Waterstones'. ONLY IN LONDON. You don't find guys like that in the Midlands let me tell you that from experience. He was fit as well. Perhaps a little tame for myself, but hey ho. For singletons, summer in London is PRIME time to date. Much more so than in rainy winter when you'd rather get straight home from work and fuck off any plans to see another human at all. The downside is Maddisons is ALWAYS FULL and well, you're really not getting near anywhere half decent without some forward planning. My recommendation is, go ROGUE and be original - find a rascal BYOB (Khao Sarn in Brixton is a personal fave, with outdoor seating) get a few bottles of vino and get loose...in a reasonably sophisticated manner obv.
So there you have it babes. Lather yourself in self love, delicious cocktails, good vibes and of course, nuddy soap. You might just find you have EVERY SINGLE damn secret to surviving a summer in London - and may I say, having a bloody crackin' time at it. Enjoy responsibly.