Stripped down - The Series
My name is Hol and I’m gonna strip down.
June is National Pride month and I’m going to tell you why I am so proud of who I am, where I am today and my journey I have taken to get here.
Sexuality can be a taboo subject too many and certainly was for me in the first 18 years of my life. I am from a small market town in the north-east of England and although I was always obsessed by the concept of happiness and how this could be achieved, I didn’t for one second think that a contributing factor for me could be sexuality as it wasn’t something that was discussed or I was exposed to.
My story wasn’t one where I fancied my PE teacher in school, always knew I was gay from day one and I pretended to be straight for a couple of years to make it easier, because I wish for me it had been that simple.
I do remember regular conversations with my friends when I was hung up on my current love interests about why I didn’t enjoy sex or how I would lose interest, but these conversations have only started to make sense to me now.
In my soul search to happiness, I cared very much about the person and who they were and tried to hard to love the rest of them. I am a soul searcher, over thinker, lover and will always be someone who cares and I do truly believe I have loved people for who they are solely, but at the same time there was always something missing and it wasn’t until long after I left home and moved away that I realised that there wasn’t a problem with me and I wasn’t a bad person, but I was actually searching in the wrong places for all the wrong things.
I left home for university at 18 and it was the best decision I have ever made, as cliche as it sounds I started to find myself. I firstly found my love for education which helped me to understand myself fully through things like emotional intelligence and the understanding of business and management in general. Education really supported my self-confidence and for the support I received through my eductaion, I have a lot of people to thank. I secondly found yoga which has supported me fully through the whole process and helps to rest my chaotic brain and exercise my body, I can’t recommend yoga any more it is amazing and is key for me in maintaining balance in my life. Lastly I met my last boyfriend, a very supportive and understanding one at that in some of my most mentally challenging and difficult years I thank him for that and apologise at the same time for not being able to reciprocate the love he gave me.
It was in my university years I realised what makes me happy as person, despite my sexuality, as my sexuality does not define me but is a part of me. Soon after splitting up with my boyfriend from university, I was a little bit confused and I met a girl that although was very clear about their sexuality she was just as confused about other aspects of her life as I was and although we cared a lot for each other and at times the relationship was refreshing, it became a very unhealthy relationship and one that certainly did not support me on my mission to happiness and we didn’t manage to compliment each other in life.
I then assumed I was wrong and reverted back to trying to pretend to be as straight as possible and lost my focus, as a result I became very very unhappy. I graduated from university with a first class degree full of questions about who I was still and moved home.
My mental health deteriorated whilst at home and I lost all sense of self I had found in 3 years, over just 3 months. It was at rock bottom that I decided to move back to Leeds and study my masters degree, in this period I also got my job in the NHS. I was then employed full time with a full time masters. This really was the turning point for me as I loved my job and my masters and both were pushing me professionally in such an amazing direction and my career became my main focus. I was so lucky in that I had a gorgeous support network of friends and family to help me through what were the bad times and in this new found happiness they got to enjoy and have amazing experiences in the good times. I am so thankful to them all and it was at this pivotal point of happiness, the point where I didn’t need a person or my sexuality to make me happy that I found my amazing girlfriend.
My girlfriend has everything I could ever want in a person, she is kind and caring, she makes me laugh, she supports me in all areas of my life and she helps me daily in my mission to make myself feel whole, instead of me relying on another person to do so. She also feels the same as me in that there is always room for improvement in ANY relationship and all areas of life. I love Saffron very much and I am so proud of her and everything she is.
Following meeting my girlfriend over 2 years ago, I completed masters degree with distinction, I received two fantastic promotions and I feel that the concept of happiness is mine, when I want it. I can’t express how content I feel now that I understand what happiness can mean, how it can be achieved and I am so proud of who I am today and the people that surround me.
I am not saying for one second that my happiness is available to me through understanding my sexuality as I think that nobody should be defined by this and that the most important thing is understanding yourself as a person overall, what makes you personally happy and the rest can just slot in to place.
THANK YOU HOLLIE for stripping down with us! Take a look at our range of nuddy soap bars below. They're all vegan friendly, plastic/cruelty/sls free and made right here in the U.K. If you're gonna strip down, make sure you do it with nuddy!